


Fake Happy

by screwedupheads



Series: Hard Times [3]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Rich, But neither is anyone else, Crushes, Jeremy isn't okay, M/M, New Friendships, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-02-10 03:37:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12903144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screwedupheads/pseuds/screwedupheads
Summary: Long story short, Rich was a weird, emotionally and physically damaged version of who he was freshman year, only replace his at the time weird friendship with Jake, with his weird now friendship with Michael. It wasn’t the best, but as long as there wasn’t a computer in his head, he could at least pretend to be happy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story goes with the previous works in this series, Liability and Used To Be. This is just a version of those stories from different perspectives, please read those first if you haven't. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: none that i can think of

Time felt weird after the squip. Some days, weeks even, passed quickly, time speeding by as Rich got adjusted to the quiet in his head. However, some days would go by agonizingly slow, minutes passing by like hours. Those were the days where the void in his head felt especially big and empty, longing to be filled with something.   
Rich filled it with books, video games, and music: the things his squip never let him enjoy while he had it. He spent a solid week in his room once he was released from the hospital. He did his best to avoid school. As it turns out, when you burn down someone’s house, you lose a lot of popularity. The few times he had stepped foot in that school since the incident made him want to drop out.   
Rich also let himself lose contact with his friends, mostly so they couldn’t see how much of a loser he was behind the tough guy/supercomputer exterior he had for the past years. Jake was not excluded from the group of people Rich stopped talking to. Rich had not spoken to Jake since the Halloween party, he couldn’t face the guilt that came with having that conversation. In fact, every part of him had completely rejected the idea of talking to Jake, especially with the guilt and even more especially with Jake’s soft smile and beautiful eyes and no squip to shock Rich back into heterosexuality.   
The only people he still communicated with was his family (kinda, he tried not to), Michael, and on very rare occasions, Jeremy. He would have loved to get closer with Jeremy so he could be like “Hey, having a supercomputer implanted in your brain really sucks, let’s talk about it” because Jeremy would understand, but Jeremy didn’t seem too open to talking to anyone, even Michael. Which left Michael and him to make awkward conversation when Rich DID go to school.

Long story short, Rich was a weird, emotionally and physically damaged version of who he was freshman year, only replace his at the time weird friendship with Jake, with his weird now friendship with Michael. It wasn’t the best, but as long as there wasn’t a computer in his head, he could at least pretend to be happy. 

 

One thing he noticed over the course of his growing friendship with Michael was that the happier Jeremy was, the happier Michael was. In the beginning, Michael’s face was constantly creased in worry, constantly distracted by how his friend was acting. It wasn’t a coincidence that when Jeremy walked in to school smiling after months without doing so, Michael smiled through the entire day. It was evident that Jeremy was getting better from whatever post-squip depression he had been stuck in just in the way Michael talked to Rich now.   
The way Michael rambled on about anything and the way his face just lit up when he got to a topic he loved made Rich want to go to school more. And so he did. He was especially enthusiastic about it when he started getting rides from Michael. He soon found himself growing closer to Michael, replacing the void that avoiding Jake had left in his life. It was one day when he and Michael stayed up late playing video games online when he realized that Michael was filling that void in more ways than one.  
Rich found himself staring into Michael’s eyes longer than usual, even when he was looking away. He found himself smiling whenever Michael smiled. One morning when Michael picked him and Jeremy up, Michael started singing along to one of the songs playing, and Rich realized that Michael was astounding. Utterly astounding, he was nerdy like freshman year Rich, but completely owned it. The confidence radiated out of him at every second, and he was unapologetically himself. Rich could have been like him.   
He could feel himself falling for Michael more and more each day. 

 

Part of post-squip Rich was weekly therapy sessions, because you can’t just almost kill yourself by burning down your friend’s house and walk out of it without repercussions. His therapist didn’t know about the squip stuff (obviously), but she did know about his low self-esteem and confidence that he possessed even with the squip. When he told her about his new crush on Michael, she urged him to confess it, because she believed doing shit like that would actually help him. However, Rich eventually agreed, and the two set up a plan to tell him.   
The morning of The Confession ™, Jeremy talked more than usual, and Rich was extremely thankful for that. His nervousness made him quiet, and conversation between Michael and Jeremy did a good job filling the quiet created. He was also glad that Jeremy was in a good mood, because 1. It was good to see him happy, he rarely was and 2. It put Michael in a good mood.   
They pulled up to the school and right when Michael was about to get out, Rich stopped him.   
“Michael, do you think you could stay behind for a little? I really need to talk to you about something…um, alone, I guess,” he said in a small voice. So much for confidence.

“Of course,” Michael said gently, probably sensing Rich’s change in demeanor. Jeremy got out of the car and gave a small wave to Rich. 

“See you in a few!” He said to both of them. 

“Wait Jeremy!” Michael said just when he started walking away, Jeremy turned and looked at him quizzically.

“Good to see you so happy today,” Michael said sincerely with a tiny smile. Jeremy beamed and continued walking away, leaving Michael and Rich on their own. Rich sank in his seat. When he was crushing on Jake, he had never even considered confessing to him, so it was strange that he was confessing to Michael, who he barely knew. He began second guessing himself. 

“What’s up?” Michael said to him, then gave him the softest look. That took Rich out of his thoughts.   
Rich hesitated. Michael’s eyes grew concerned. 

“Is everything okay?” Michael said, taking Rich’s hand. Rich felt his cheeks flush at the contact. It had been a while since he had been this nervous, it felt a lot worse than he remembered. 

“I- uh- fuck,”Rich said, then put his face in his hands and groaned.   
“This is harder then I thought it would be,” he mumbled. 

“Just… say what’s on your mind,” Michael urged. 

“Well I… I really enjoy spending time with you Michael, and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go see a movie or something together sometime,” Rich said, getting quieter the more he talked. Michael heard him anyway. 

“Like, as a date?” Michael said with widened eyes. The smile hinting at his features gave Rich a minor confidence boost. 

“Yeah. I really like you Michael,” Rich said, slightly louder. Michael giggled (that’s right folks, he fucking giggled. Rich could feel himself practically melt at the noise). 

“I’d love to, I really like you too,” Michael said with a wide smile. 

Rich beamed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But if everything was so good and happy, why did something still feel wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: brief mentions of the fire and Rich's burns
> 
> This is so unedited because I am exhausted, I apologize if anything is messed up. I am also sorry that this chapter took me so long to write, it was difficult writing from Rich's perspective after writing strictly Jeremy for so long and not making them sound the same.

Things were okay. Things were happy. Rich and Michael had been dating for a couple of weeks now. They were together whenever possible Michael paid attention to Rich instead of pushing him aside, like he was freshman year. When they weren’t together they were texting back and forth, only stopping after one of them said goodnight. Michael seemed happier too, managing to glow not just for Jeremy, but for Rich too.  
Rich was finally starting to get used to the vacancy in his head, and surprisingly, he was growing more confident. Before, the squip was his only source of confidence, but now he was finding it in being with Michael. The confidence boost might as well have been an everything boost. His grades were improving (he actually knew what was happening in school!), he was making new friends, and he was just happier in general.  
But if everything was so good and happy, why did something still feel wrong? 

Michael, of course, was perfect, everything you could want in a boyfriend. However, there was a difference between boyfriend and best friend to him. He had only known Michael for a few months, he missed having a person that he had known for years. He missed Jake.

One morning, Jeremy threw himself in the backseat after getting a Mountain Dew red from Michael’s trunk. Both Michael and Rich’s gazes shifted to each other, and then Jeremy. 

“Jeremy…” Rich said hesitantly. 

“Jere? You okay?” Michael said not even a second after Rich. 

“Just fuckin’ drive, or we’ll be late. Rich, Jake seems worried about you,” Jeremy grumbled angrily. Michael’s eyes flicked back to Rich, who returned the look.  
For the rest of the ride, Michael gnawed on his lip, and Rich fiddled with his fingers, lost in thought. When had Jake talked to Jeremy? Why was he worried? He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice the car stop in the parking lot until he heard the door open and close. Jeremy was already out of the car, Michael just staring at him from his seat as he walked away. 

“Michael? Are you okay?” Rich said, gently touching his shoulder. He turned and gave Rich a smile that didn’t meet his eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I-I think I need to talk to Jeremy though,” he said quietly. 

“He didn’t seem too willing to talk, but I agree,” Rich said, hand traveling down to Michael’s hand and squeezing it in reassurance. 

“I just wish he would talk to me when he’s upset, y’know?” Michael said, sighing in frustration, “I worry about him a lot, ‘nd I just want him to be okay.” Michael’s eyes began watering toward the end of that sentence. Rich felt something in his chest tighten as Michael spoke, missing having a friend that cared about him like Michael cared about Jeremy. A pang of guilt washed over him for avoiding Jake. 

“Hey,” Rich said, “How about you track him down after school without me so you two can talk alone?” Michael looked up at him. 

“What about you?” He said, squeezing Rich’s hand a little tighter than he was before. 

“I think I’m gonna try and talk to Jake, I think it’s about time that I did,” Rich said sheepishly. 

“Okay,” Michael said, “I think that’ll be good. We can both get our best friend’s back.” Rich nodded in agreement. Michael then leaned over and gave Rich a quick kiss before mumbling a “let’s go” and grabbing his backpack and leaving the car. 

Rich spent his day with a ball of anxiety in his stomach, wondering why he had set himself up for such a nerve-wracking situation. Although he knew no one was forcing him to talk to Jake, he still knew that Jake deserved some sort of explanation/apology from him, and this was his chance to get one as long as Rich felt obligated to do so after telling his boyfriend he would.   
When the final bell rang, dread washed over him, anxiety expressing itself on it through sweating palms and an overwhelming urge to run away. Rich’s squip used to block out anxiety among other visible emotions that halted his climbing of the social ladder, so Rich was still not quite used to this feeling he used to know oh so well. He walked slowly to Jake’s locker, only to find him walking away from it, or in Rich’s direction, talking to Chloe and Dustin. He was laughing at something Dustin had probably said. Rich knew Jake well enough to recognize his fake laugh. Rich stopped in the hall and quickly pretended to be fascinated with something else in a last-ditch effort to avoid Jake. Jake has already seen Rich though, as his eyes flicked back and forth to Rich as he listened to his friends talk as they walked. 

Rich thought he was in the clear until he heard Jake say “Hey guys, I think I might’ve left something at my locker, I’ll be right back.”   
Rich instantly panicked, speed walking to where he thought he could get away from confrontation, but instead he ran straight into Jake. 

“Oh, oops! Sorry about th-“ Jake said, but his carefree attitude shifted into something more serious, as everything about him shifted to something more stiff and rehearsed. If Rich didn’t know better, he’d think Jake’s back had been shocked for slouching. 

“Rich,” Jake said, voice firm, and almost sad. Well, no pussying out now. 

“We need to talk,” Rich said, scanning Jake’s face for emotion after he spoke. Jake looked shocked and sad, which broke Rich’s heart that this is what their close friendship had come to. Yet Rich saw a glimmer of hope in Jake’s eyes that things could be fixed, and Rich hoped his face held the same expression. 

“Yeah, uh,” Jake glanced around to find his friends waiting and leaning against the wall. Rich saw him lock eyes with Dustin, Dustin nodding in understanding to Jake gesturing to Rich and mouthing something. 

“Let’s go to my car,” Jake said. Rich nodded in agreement, and they began weaving their way through the crowd to exit the building. Jake seemed to forget whatever he had left in his locker, if he even did forget anything.   
Jake’s car was a greyish blue minivan that was once his mother’s car, that he normally kept in pristine condition. However, upon opening the door, something had obviously changed. Random articles of clothing were scattered across the back seat of the car. Random cups and bottles were scattered around the front console, and an entire box of granola bars was sat on the floor in front of the passenger seat. 

“Oh, sorry,” Jake said, reaching over from the front seat and throwing the things in the passenger seat into the back. Rich sat down, making sure it seemed like the mess didn’t bother him to sooth the blush of embarrassment dusted across Jake’s cheeks. 

“Let’s go to my house,” Rich said, buckling himself in, “I mean, if that’s okay with you.” 

“Of course,” Jake said softly, starting the car. They drove in silence until they pulled up at Rich’s house. Both boys got out of the car and walked into Rich’s house, Jake following Rich as if he needed navigating even though he had been there many, many times. When they got to Rich’s room, Rich realized that Jake had never really seen his room in the state that it was in. The squip made Rich keep his room pristine and normal, the walls had been bare, with nothing on the shelves. Once it was gone though, Rick pulled out every old poster, every trinket or action figure no matter how childish or nerdy, just to try and reclaim his old self.   
Rich sat down on his bed, looking at Jake, trying to communicate with him to sit down so he could get it over with sooner. Jake just stood there with his hands in his pockets, looking like a stranger in a place the should’ve been so familiar. Another wave of guilt washed over Rich. 

“So,” Rich said awkwardly. 

“So,” said Jake, slightly rocking back and forth on his heels. 

“How are you?” Rich said, like an idiot. Jake gave him a look that Rich definitely deserved. 

“Not very good, you?” Jake said.

“It- it was rough at first, but,” Rich paused and gulped, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, “It’s getting better. I think.”

“Good, I guess it’s a lot to get used to,” Jake said, quietly, looking down. He then breathed in like he was getting ready to say something, but quickly deflated. Rich took a wild guess on what he was about to say. 

“Listen, Jake, I-“ Rich began, but then his throat began to get tight, tears threatening to form. Rich sat there, trying to compose himself, Jake just stood there, patiently waiting. After all Rich had done to him, Jake was still there, he was still willing to listen.  
And that’s when Rich exploded, a sob ripping out of him for the first time since he got the squip. His face was in his hands, and he only cried harder when he felt the weight shift on the bed and an arm wrap around his shoulders. Jake’s hand rubbed his shoulder, brushing against that scars that were hidden beneath his jacket. He lifted his face out of his hands. 

“I’m so sorry,” Rich sobbed, “I’m so fucking sorry.” Jake scooted closer toward him. 

“I don’t even have the words to explain myself. All the things I’ve done- the fire- avoiding you- I-fuck,” Rich struggled to put the words together, gasping for air.   
“After the fire, I just, I thought you hated me, so I just…” Rich trailed off, exploding into more sobs. 

“I could never hate you,” Jake said softly, pulling Rich into a hug, “and I forgive you.”   
Rich rested his head against Jake’s jacket, knowing he didn’t deserve to be forgiven that easily. 

“I don’t deserve you, I never have,” Rich mumbled. Jake shushed him. 

“You deserve the sun and more,” Jake whispered, almost like Rich wasn’t supposed to hear. Rich looked up at him, Jake softly smiling down at him. 

“I’ve missed you,” Rich said. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Jake said, then pulled Rich in even closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a good day/afternoon/evening/night!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hold on,” Jake said, and Rich looked over to see Jake typing on his phone. Rich was about to joke about how he was addicted to his phone, but then he saw Jake’s upset look, no longer typing, but just staring at his phone. 
> 
> “Hey,” Rich said, putting a hand on his shoulder, breaking Jake out of his trance, “You good?”   
> Jake looked back down at his phone, then suddenly got up. 
> 
> “Something is wrong with Jeremy,” Jake said. 
> 
>  
> 
> ...
> 
> (if you have not read the previous works in this series, read them now or you will not be getting another perspective on the events that happen in this chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER! Subscribe to me or the series to find out when the next work in this story will posted, which will be a continuation of this story and the previous work in this series. This is a reminder that this work CAN be read alone, but you get every perspective and a lot more explanation for what happens in the works that come before this in the series. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: SELF HARM/SUICIDE ATTEMPT, talk of the fire, talk of Rich's burns  
> Please stay safe!

For the first time in Rich’s life, everything felt settled and calm. After their talk, Jake ended up staying for dinner, then eventually staying the night. Currently, it was around 11 at night and Jake had passed out on one side of Rich’s bed. Rich assumed that he must’ve been pretty tired to fall asleep so early, so Rich left him alone. 

That didn’t stop him from looking at Jake though. It brought Rich back to when he had first become friends with Jake, back before the Squip. Jake had still been just as popular then as he was now, yet he had still been friends with Rich. Rich felt his heart skip a beat at the thought. Throughout everything that had happened, throughout all the shit that Rich had pulled, Jake still stuck with him. He didn’t quite understand it, but he was more than extremely grateful for it.

Still, Rich would give anything at this point to go back to freshman year, when he thought the hardest thing he had ever been through was trying to discover his sexuality through his massive crush on the very boy next to him- shit.   
The squip had managed to shock the crush out of Rich while he had it, but now that the squip was gone, he could feel it inching back the longer he looked at the sleeping boy.   
And that, that was the very definition of a not good situation. 

The next day, the two woke up at got ready for school together. They cracked stupid jokes the whole time, it was like nothing had ever happened. Rich even still had Jake’s favorite type of cereal. Rich eased back into the rhythm of their friendship with a certain air of caution, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him and ignoring any thoughts he may have had last night before falling asleep. 

Even though Jake had driven there and his car was still parked out front, Rich still told him that they would be getting a ride with Michael. Normally, Michael texted Rich goodnight every night, but he hadn’t last night. Rich knew that Michael had confronted Jeremy the day before, and he was worried about the outcome.   
When Michael’s car pulled into the driveway, a horrible feeling of guilt settled in Rich’s stomach at the memory of last nights thoughts and his resurfacing feelings for Jake, paired with his current feelings for his boyfriend. But Rich ignored it and climbed into the passenger seat, Jake climbing into the backseat, where Jeremy would sit. 

“We won’t be picking up Jeremy,” Michael mumbled so only Rich could hear it. Rich turned to examine his boyfriend. Michael looked exhausted, and based on the smell, probably at least a little high. Michael turned to look at Rich too and raised a questioning eyebrow at him after glancing toward Jake. Rich shrugged at him and raised his eyebrows, signaling that they would talk about it later. The car ride had little conversation. 

When they pulled into the parking lot, Jake got out instantly, claiming that he had to go talk to a teacher about something. But Rich knew that Jake was a very observant person, and he probably noticed that Michael and Rich needed their alone time. He made sure to thank Michael for the ride and thanked Rich for letting him stay over, and the couple watched him walk into school, Rich marveling at what a wonderful person he was. But then Jeremy walked in, a little ways behind Jake, and Rich was brought back to reality. 

“What happened?” Rich said, turning the Michael, who had instantly turned away from the window as soon as he saw Jeremy. When he saw Michael’s red eyes again, he added “And are you high or have you been crying?” Michael chuckled sadly. 

“A bit of both,” he said, putting his face his hands and dragging his hands down his face when he looked back up. Rich patiently waited for him to answer his first question. 

“I think I fucked up,” Michael said, staring down at his hands. 

“What you mean?” Rich said gently, taking one of Michaels hands into his own. 

“I tried talking to him and he just lashed out at me, and it made me mad, it’s still making me mad, but I think I took it too far,” Michael explained. Rich furrowed his eyebrows, signaling for Michael to elaborate. 

“He just- I was just- I was trying to help and he just started yelling at me and telling me I’m doing something wrong and almost like accused me of ignoring him, but I don’t think I was doing anything wrong-“ 

“You weren’t,” Rich interrupted. 

‘-and I just… blew up. And I took it too far, I know I did, but I’m still mad about it and I don’t know what to do,” Michael said, eyes tearing up. 

“You’re allowed to be angry, he put you through a lot, no matter how much you’ve forgiven him for it. Maybe you guys should spend some time apart so things settle down before you talk again,” Rich said gently, tracing his thumb along the back of Michael’s hand. Michael sniffed sadly and nodded in agreement. 

“Hey, since Jake and I are okay now, let’s all hang out after school today, play some video games, and get our minds off things,” Rich offered. Michael wiped his eyes and nodded. 

“Thank you,” Michael whispered, and met his lips in a kiss. Rich kissed him back, ignoring the bad and guilty thoughts at the back of his mind. On his way into the building, hand in hand with Michael, Rich texted Jake about hanging out with them after school. 

Rich felt more comfortable in school now that he had Jake again. Of course, Michael always made things better, but seeing Jake in the halls and being able to wave at him and make casual conversation, and basically having more than one friend, lifted a weight off Rich’s shoulders.   
The day went by quickly, and soon enough he was waiting at the main entrance of the school for Michael and Jake. Michael showed up first, looking much better than he had that morning, and greeted Rich with a quick peck. As soon as the two separated, Rich looked up to see Jake standing next to them, looking at the action with an expression that Rich couldn’t quite decipher. 

“How was everyone’s day?” Rich said with a smile. 

“It was fine. Average,” Michael said quietly, and Rich could tell that he was lying, and still very upset about the Jeremy situation. Rich wrapped an arm around his shoulders in comfort. 

“What about you, Jake?” Rich asked. Jake gave him a tiny smile. 

“It was good, best day I’ve had in a few weeks,” He said, making eye contact with Rich, and Rich realized that Jake was just as happy to be talking again as he was.

Suddenly, Jake’s expression brightened, and the taller boy started waving at someone over Rich’s shoulder. Both him and Michael turned to see none other than Jeremy Heere, with a deer-in-headlights expression on his face. He heard Michael whisper a string of curse words. Rich slipped his hand down to Michael’s, squeezing gently. He watched Jake’s expression fall into one of concern when Jeremy’s head snapped back to face the ground as he all but scuttled away. 

“Is-“ Jake began, but was interrupted. 

“Let’s go play some video games,” Michael said, brushing off everything that had just happened and began walking toward the parking lot. Jake gave Rich confused look, but Rich just brushed it off and followed Michael. 

On the car ride home, Jake and Rich joked around, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to be working too, with Michael letting out a chuckle every once in a while. None of them but Michael saw Jeremy walking home.  
The trio then arrived at Michael’s house and immediately went down to the basement. Michael crouched in front of the TV set, setting up a game of Mario Kart. Rich immediately flung himself onto the couch behind the pair of beanbags that were always there. Jake just stood at the entrance awkwardly. Rich looked up from his spot at him, and shifted over to make room for him, then patted the spot next to him. Jake smiled gratefully and took the spot. 

Michael then got up, the loading screen to Mario Kart displayed on the TV and kicked the two bean bags out of the way. He sat down on the other side of Rich and passed them their controllers. They began playing, forgetting about all the bad aspects of their day. They sat there for hours, pausing to get snacks and for bathroom breaks, and occasionally switching games, but they always went back to playing Mario Kart. 

“FUCK,” Rich yelled as Michael won another round. Jake laughed, getting 2nd place, and Rich swore again as he came in 5th. 

“I’m just rusty, I’ll get back in the hang of it soon,” Rich said, making Michael laugh.

“Rich, you’ve been saying that for the past hour since we started playing again,” Michael giggled. Rich groaned. 

“C’mon, let’s do another round so I can beat you guys this time,” Rich sat, huddling over his controller once more. 

“Hold on,” Jake said, and Rich looked over to see Jake typing on his phone. Rich was about to joke about how he was addicted to his phone, but then he saw Jake’s upset look, no longer typing, but just staring at his phone. 

“Hey,” Rich said, putting a hand on his shoulder, breaking Jake out of his trance, “You good?”   
Jake looked back down at his phone, then suddenly got up. 

“Something is wrong with Jeremy,” Jake said. 

“What?!” Michael said, suddenly looking very panicked. 

“He just sent me this text and now he’s not answering,” Jake said, thrusting his phone at Rich and Michael. Both read the text and Rich swore under his breath. 

**From Jeremy 8:27pm Friday**

**i fcukid up i nedc hlelp please**

 

Michael jumped up and grabbed his keys. Repeating ‘fuck’ under his breath. 

“Tell him we’re coming over,” Michael said, and ran up the basement stairs, Rich and Jake on his trail. Rich was the last one out the door, and Michael was already in the driver’s seat of the car. Rich took one look at him and said, “You’re not driving.”

Michael’s hands were shaking, tears running down his face, and breathing fast, and Jake looked about the same minus the tears. Michael nodded and gulped, letting Rich lead him out of his seat ant to the other side of the car. They all took their respective seats and Rich barely waited for all of them to buckle before peeling out of the driveway. 

Rich tried to clear his mind and focus on getting to Jeremy’s faster, but nothing could prevent the onslaught of thoughts rushing into his head. 

Everyone was silent , the guilt and severity of the situation hung heavy in the air between the three of them. 

The car jerked forward and halted to a stop in front of a house that must be Jeremy's. Michael and Jake were out of the car before Rich could even take the keys out. He took a breath before following him into the house. As soon as he walked in, he could tell that something was wrong. He wished that this wasn’t his first visit to Jeremy’s house.   
Both Rich and Jake followed Michael, who had bounded up the stairs after seeing Jeremy’s discarded backpack by the door. 

"Jeremy?!" Michael called out when he got to the top, approaching a door and knocking at it. Michael repeated the actions. Rich watched his struggle silently, and Jake wandered down the hall a little ways, looking for signs of Jeremy. Jake saw a door cracked open and he decided that could be a potential sign. 

"Jeremy?" he called out gently. He was met with the sound of a sob and some unintelligible speaking.   
Michael froze and him and Rich were over there in a second when Jake pushed the door open.

Rich felt his breath hitch at the sight. Drops of blood scattered the floor, and that’s all Rich had to see of the scene to just know. The razor on the floor only confirmed it. He felt a sick, guilty feeling settle in his stomach. Jake was already kneeling in front of Jeremy, who was holding himself and crying, trying to help. Jake made eye contact with Rich and handed him the bottle and the razor that was on the floor to get rid of. Rich was glad to get out of the room, he didn’t want to see what was going to happen next. 

He went downstairs and poured what was left of the bottle out into the sink and threw the razor away after wrapping it up in paper towels. He washed his hands three times afterwards, and only then did he realize how badly he was shaking. The sick feeling only got worse, so he ran to a bathroom he had seen on his way in and vomited. 

He wished that this wasn’t his first impression of Jeremy’s house. He wished he had tried a little harder to befriend him, then maybe he could’ve helped him before it had gotten bad. He wished he had never told Jeremy about the squip. He wished the flood of memories of the fire and the times he had tried beforehand would stop. 

He splashed some water on his face to clear his thoughts before he went upstairs, then spotted a first aid kit by the sink. He grabbed the kit and made his way back over to the staircase, taking a deep breath before ascending them. 

When he approached the bathroom again, he was met with the scene of Jeremy wobbling back and forth as he stood, both hands in Michael’s. He handed the first aid box to Jake and took one look at Jeremy’s wounds before pulling out his phone and googling exactly what to do. The minute he found instructions, he began reading them off and Michael and Jake got to work. Soon Jeremy was all bandaged up and basically falling asleep on Michael’s shoulder, so Michael led him into his room so he could sleep.

Jake and Rich stood in the hallway together in a tense silence. Rich wondered if Jake could see how hard he was shaking. Soon, Michael tiptoed out of the room and gently closed the door behind him. 

"He's asleep now," he said. Rich felt himself slump against the wall as he dragged his hands across his face, hiding the tears that were beginning to form. stood rigid, staring at the bathroom door. 

“What do we do now,” Jake said quietly. Rich took his hands off his face to look at the two other boys, letting out a sigh. Michael looked at him with soft eyes, seeming to catch on to how Rich was feeling. 

“You two can go, I can take care of him from here,” Michael said with a weak smile. A rebellious feeling of relief flooded Rich, only to be followed by guilt. He just needed to get out of there before he had a panic attack. 

“Are you sure?” Rich said, grabbing Michael’s hand. 

“Yeah, he’d probably be more comfortable with just me anyway,” Michael responded, before wrapping Rich in a long embrace. Rich buried his head in Michael’s sweatshirt, the warmth of other person comforting him. The two let go and Rich joined Jake and began walking down the stairs. 

“Text me if you need any help,” Jake said, and Rich nodded in agreement before walking down the stairs and out the door. Rich didn’t live more than a few blocks away from Jeremy, so the two made their way back there. 

As they walked, Rich was the first one to talk. 

“Are you okay?” he asked Jake. Jake kept his head down as he replied. 

“I will be, I just hope Jeremy will be okay.” A beat of silence, “You?”  
Rich blinked away the defiant tears making a reappearance. 

“I’ve been better,” Rich said, sniffing. Jake hummed and silence fell upon them again. They arrived at Rich’s house 5 minutes later and instantly went to Rich’s room. Only a few minutes of them sitting in silence, and Rich could barely hold in the sobs that had been building up, so he excused himself to the bathroom. 

As soon as the door shut, he covered his mouth and collapsed, curling up in a ball against the wall, the same position that Jeremy had been in. That thought made him shudder and move to sit on the toilet. A loud sob accidentally ripped out of him, followed up by multiple others. He didn’t notice that Jake had walked in until he wrapped his arms around him. Jake rubbed his back and when Rich looked up he could see Jake crying too. 

“I’m so sorry,” Rich whispered. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” 

“I told him about the squip , this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t-“ Jake unwrapped his arms and instead placed his hands on Rich’s shoulders. 

“This was not your fault,” Jake said sternly. Rich felt a few more tears roll down his cheeks. Rich stared directly into Jake’s eyes. 

“How are you so forgiving?” He questioned, still staring into Jake’s eyes as if they had all the answers. 

“Because I think you deserve my forgiveness,” Jake answered. Rich shook his head. 

“You shouldn’t because I don’t,” Rich said, anger at himself revealing itself. 

“Don’t what?” 

“Don’t deserve your forgiveness,” Rich said, “I don’t deserve anything, why can’t you understand that?” Rich’s voice was slowly raising. 

“Rich-“

“I bullied Jeremy and Michael for years, then gave Jeremy a squip, then burnt down your fucking house! Do you even have a house now Jake?!” Rich yelled, lashing out. His scars hurt, it felt like he was burning all over again. 

“Rich-“

“I should’ve died in that fire, Jake!” Rich sobbed. 

But, suddenly, he felt something soft on his lips. Rich’s eyes had been closed, but they flicked open at the feeling to see Jake kissing him. Jake instantly pulled back as soon as he realized what he had done. 

“Shit. I’m so sorry- fuck,” Jake said, quickly getting up and moving back. Rich’s mind raced. He could feel his heart thumping and he looked up Jake. Jake was red faced and teary eyed. Every thought of Michael exited as his mind whispered Jake’s name over and over. Rich looked at him in a new light: maybe he had felt the same as him all these years?

 

Jake was about to apologize again when Rich threw his arms around him and let their lips meet once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REMEMBER TO SUBSCRIBE IF YOU WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!  
> REMEMBER TO READ THE OTHER WORKS IF YO DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THIS CHAPTER!  
> Thank you all so much for the support on this work, writing Rich was harder than I thought it would be, so thank you for staying patient with me. I am very excited to write the next and last part of this series.

**Author's Note:**

> Self promo: i have new BMC story out called Pills check it out


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